GBC
GLOBAL BUREAU OF CELIBACY OFFICIAL CASE FILE
CASE STATUS: WE NEVER CONFIRM
TOP SECRET

THE SINGLE FILES

We open this case to settle who dey and who never dey.
💖 EXPRESS SINGLENESS CALCULATOR

Wetin Be Your Singleness Percentage?

Answer these 5 quick Nigerian love questions to calculate your exact rating & generate your official certificate!

CHAPTER I

How E Take Start

Age 0 – 12
FILE: Small Pikin Days
PLACE: Hekan Women School (Primary)

As pikin, this person put im whole mind for play and food. Love matter no dey the picture at all.

LOG #01
2002 – 2008

Biscuit Na Everything

Na snacks, lunchbox and playground be im matter. If girl talk to am, na biscuit exchange, nothing else.

LOG #02
2008 – 2012

Girls Near, Eye No Dey

Girls surround am for years but the guy no even notice one signal. To am, na homework competition, no be anything else.

💬 Wetin People Talk

“

Na biscuit worry us pass girls. If girl wan collect your lunchbox, na wahala be that, no be love.

Emeka
Childhood Padi
“

Love no dey our syllabus. Break time na cartoon and ball we dey do. Jay no fit see girl at all.

Sadiq
Gate Padi
SECRET FILE: Hekan Women School Result
▼
INVESTIGATOR NOTE:

No love matter for im small days. Na cartoon, ball and to survive school be im whole life.

CHAPTER II

The Mumu Years

Secondary School | Age 13 – 18

REPORT: Na the time wey other people dey catch feelings, but this one build strong Mumu Shield to dodge love completely.

The Dodging Machine

Press any one make you see wetin the guy dey do when girl matter show for secondary school.

GBC_ENGINE_LOGS.EXE
[SYSTEM] Machine don ready. Press event on top make e run...

How Im Brain Dey Work

Girl Show Face
▼
E Try Toast?
NO
▼
Face Book
YES (0%)
▼
Body Dey Shake
▼
Status: Still Single
CHAPTER III

Now Now

Kaduna Polytechnic | Age 19 – Today
SCHOOL: Kaduna Polytechnic
WETIN WE DEY CHECK: Big Boy and Tech Life

As the guy enter big school and face tech ("JayOnChain"), the love matter still flat. Nothing dey happen.

📅
0
Date Wey E Go
Confirm record
🍃
0
Evening Waka With Bae
Nothing dey record
⚠️
0
Situationship
No talking stage waka finish
🍕
0
Times E Choose Food / Code Pass People
Counter dey add as we dey talk
SECRET FILE: Kaduna Polytechnic Result
▼
🔍 WETIN WE SEE:

The guy consistent well well. Time wey e dey put for blockchain, CSS and indomie plenty pass outing by far. No love data at all.

CHAPTER IV

Test Room

We Test Am For Cage

NOTICE: For here we throw gist at Japheth make we see how e go reply under pressure. Every time, na the same "no love" answer.

WE DEY TEST AM LAB-ID: GBC-99-TEST
Pick one test for down make e run.
We dey wait make you start...

TEST CASE SELECTION:

GBC LIE DETECTOR E DEY WAIT

PICK WETIN WE GO CHECK:

FINAL FILE

Final Verdict

Bureau Confirm Am
GBC
GBC

GLOBAL BUREAU OF CELIBACY

Office of Verified Singlehood · Est. 2026

CERTIFICATE OF VERIFIED SINGLEHOOD

This is to officially certify that

JAPHETH "JAYONCHAIN" ADAMU

Having been thoroughly investigated across all official records right from childbirth till now, JAPHETH "JAYONCHAIN" ADAMU is hereby confirmed by the Global Bureau of Celibacy to be of verified single status.

This certified subject has maintained 100% verified singlehood continuously from day one. No break, no ex, no hidden bae anywhere.

CERTIFIED SINGLE · Confirmed
95% Official Singlehood Rating
Certificate No. GBC-2026-00000
Date of Issue —
Status PENDING SEAL
Bureau Rep
OFFICIAL GBC VERIFIER
We dey wait for you...
LEAD INVESTIGATOR

Stamp & Save Your Official Certificate

Select your official stamp style and hit the button to seal your certificate!

Stamp Style:
Flex your singlehood percentage:

🏆 GBC MOST WANTED

Your Bureau's records — the most certified-single files you don close for this device.

  1. No files closed yet. Be the first wey go stamp am.